Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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