I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Please don't give away my fajitas
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
