i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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