Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
