bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
