dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
