1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
