have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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