So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
