The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
