and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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