I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
