drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
