fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
