Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
