It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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