How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
