just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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