My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
