moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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