My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
