3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
