and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
