So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
