He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Never joke about your clitoris.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
