Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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