All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
