just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
