That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
