I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize