Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
