it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize