Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
