i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
