Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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