"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize