I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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