Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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