omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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