when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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