An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
