; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
