That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
