I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
