I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
