She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
