Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You're like the curious george of whores
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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