She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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