How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
