Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
