it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
