And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize