Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
