I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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