I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
