**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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