apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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