It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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