life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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