I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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