worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
