I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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