We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
