im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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