He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
