loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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