Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
