this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
