i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
