i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
