i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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